I went to Australia on invitation, for work, travel and adventure, hoping I could make some money. My brother bought my earthly possessions, my father kept my car and my properties were rented. My bike, I placed in storage at the airport. Just in case.. I would buy another bike in Australia.

I went to Brisbane with a colleague. We started the same day, were issued with phone numbers one digit apart. He joined the company, I had health problems. Under the sweltering Australian sun, modern architects believe blistering air-conditioning solve all problems, but its health effects were evident to me. I was unhappy. Health and safety has a department of its own, but it’s a one way street. I had to get away. I was also bound by contract.

My colleague adopted easier. Most people have better thermal insulation than me, he survive the AC. He is also married. Don’t go to Australia if you are single. Just don’t. By the end of my contract, I went to Perth, for offshore work on oil platforms. For the first time, I was making disposable income. I could save money at last.

Upon meeting Aussies, the impressions I formed was of their pleasantness and warmth with witch they greet each other and even strangers like me. They called me Mate. I thought it meant something like friend.

In meetings especially, their language has a kind of. indirectness that is meant to take the edge of what is meant. It sounds very non-confrontational, almost intimate in a healthy way. It usually is.

I thought I landed at a church camp of sort where everybody is a councillor. Its not that they don’t swear in between, but even when an Aussy would say: “Fuck Mate, whats going on?” It sounds decidedly friendly, outraged at whatever prevented the mate from being on time for the meeting. Far would it be from one Aussy to suppose there was not an excellent reason for the lateness of the mate.

But It was at work that I realized not everything is an improvement in paradise. In my role at work, I am required to verify stuff. If I find something wrong, I make a report and give a recommendation. It is normally accepted by the manager who will pay for it and scheduled for execution, thereby ensuring good engineering practice and legal compliance.

The very first meeting I attended, concerned a recommendation I made. There were eight people in the meeting to discuss the best way to execute my proposal. But in fact, how to execute would be discussed in the second meeting. The first meeting was just a haggling over the merit and necessity of stopping the leak in a pipe.

I was confused. How can it be that eight people just waisted two meetings and the pipe is still leaking? But I later realized, I was not confused. I just witnessed the Australian way.

Its an extremely indirect and polite way of not accusing the pipe of leaking, but non the less finding consensus that the rate at which it seems to be loosing water is so close to actual leaking, that some precaution may be in order to place the 29th clamp on this pipe section.

To my mind, it was apparent they have had this same meeting 28 times before, spending 230 man-hours in pursuit of a solution that has been found 28 times already. In what is perceived by Australians as a “very direct manner”, an euphemism for the arrogant South African demeanor, I suggested the superfluity of having the second meeting, since there is clear president for my recommendation and no need of repeating the process.

A stunned silence ensued followed by a soothing explanation of the workflow and our collective responsibility and duty of care in supporting each other in the execution of this momentous task of approving for the 29th time the type and size of clamp required to stop the present leak.

As I scribbled my signature of support on the final document next to seven others, including my boss, I realized the entire process is designed to avoid responsibility. If ever this pipe should leak again, as it certainly will, and someone may drown from it, as is very unlikely, we will not go to jail, because we could not possibly all have been wrong. Nor is it likely we conspired to cause the unfortunate death.

 But if we have to go to jail, we will be together. We will blame it on an act of God, or call it unforeseen. Someone will mention that transportation was not fair either. But the gamble is, that nobody will be accountable. It cannot be a conspiracy with 8 signatures. Its not a moon landing after all.

There is no need to state the obvious fact that in SA we seldom take the time for such deliberation. Not never, but seldom. Decisions come easier here. I dare say, the work progress faster and the meeting, if there is a meeting, sounds less like a psychiatric intervention. To South Africans, our way of doing is normal. The Australian way sound especially friendly and procedural. Very time consuming, not much focussed on the leak in the line.

In South Africa on the other hand, its possible that the BEE candidate for the position, in executing the task, may place the clamp on the pipe support or on a tractor parked nearby.

To the ear of an Aussy, even without animosity, the inputs of a South African sounds crass, arrogant, impatient and not in harmony with the people-first policy of the company. The thing is, I would later work at a company who rented my services to clients, where I often got the impression that I was hired for exactly this reason, to find and stop the leak, more or less immediately.

Im not distracting from the truly pleasant manner of speech employed by our cousins down under. Though their accent is a discussion for another chapter, the calm and relaxed way in which they handle conflict should make them masters of diplomacy. This does not mean there is no end to their fuse, and its not advisable to be a wise ass in their company.

They are witty and dry and can be extremely sarcastic in their mild mannered way. Generally speaking, their way of addressing problems never fail to be thoughtful and considerate even though it does not always stop the leak.

Im convinced Sasol’s current difficulty in completing the Louisiana project, is suffering a similar miss appreciation for the efficiency of their South African workforce compared to the ways of civilized countries. Talking about ones feelings should certainly have a place, but so does accomplishing or maintaining the profitability of the enterprise without which no amount of talking will give back the lost opportunities and employment.