Location: Reception desk, Hotel Vladivostok, Vladivostok

Time: 10am, Tuesday 28th September (knackered, after appalling 10-hour night flight, including an hour or so in a transit 'lounge' at Irkutsk, on Air Vladivostok's oldest Tu154)Dramatis Personae: Me (C); Receptionist (R)

C: I'd like a single room for a week, please.
R: We do not have single rooms.
C: OK, then. A twin or a double.
R: We do not have double rooms.
C: OK then. A twin.
R: We do not have single rooms.
C: I'll have a twin, then.
R: We do not have single rooms.
C: Is there a problem with a single person in a twin room?
R: We do not have a bellboy.
C: That's OK - I have two arms and two legs.
R: We do not have a bellboy.
C: Let's start again. How much is a room?
R: (shows 1190 roubles on a calculator)
C: OK. I'll pay for 6 nights now (produces plastic).
R: We do not have a bellboy.
C: Here's my passport. I'll go and get my bags from the taxi.

Eventually:
C: There, that wasn't so bad, was it?