Salam Aleikum everyone!

Some people spend their savings on an MBA or an LLM. I instead have pursued a degree at Guinea - the locals call this place the university of patience and I see why. I feel like I’ve just barely passed the finals and the professors are high fiving me. I’ve spent the last three (wow) weeks in Conakry. It’s been a lengthy process but I think I’ve finally found a solution to my motorbike problems (that phrase seems familiar xD).

But first here are some Guinean phrases I’ve learned, that I think everyone should know:

“Je me débrouille” - I will apply myself (to whatever avail, because, well: “Insha Allah”).

“Insha Allah” - If God wants (really Arabic - but used by Muslims all over the world - the phrase is a good fit for Guinea even though nobody actually speaks Arabic).

“On est ensemble” - We’re (all in it) together (used when bartering with officials and taxi drivers alike).

“Merci pour votre travail” - Thank you for your work (always to be used with officials - especially when their work took a long time, for whatever reason).

“C’est la Guinée” - That’s Guinea (you can always say this, no matter how chaotic the situation in this most chaotic of countries).

On the 18. November 2019 Max and I ran some errands, most important of which was applying for the Sierra Leone Visa. In the afternoon I started applying myself (j”e me débrouille”) regarding King Kong’s starter problems. KK got me into Conakry but the oil had been pitch black after only 500 km and starting the still didn’t work reliably. I commenced by googling how to use a multimeter and got to checking all the cables for shorts (since I had by now replaced basically every electrical part - Rotor, Rectifier/Regulator, CDI). I then skyped Modou, my electrician in Dakar who rigged up the current electrical system. Then I phoned Götti Paul who put me in contact with his nephew David, a Honda mechanic in Toronto. David was nice enough to analyse my electrical problem on the phone (thank you David!) and his opinion was that my problem probably was cheap knock off parts. Original Honda parts are hard to come by around here - especially for a 1979 model. I may have mentioned this before: my original plan of getting an old Honda XL was based on the assumption that the bike was widely used in Africa and it would be easy to find spares. This has turned out to be very untrue. There are a lot of Li Fans from China and TVS’s from India. But almost no Japanese bikes and definitely no old ones. Knock off parts that fit my bike are widely available tough. The plan was so to go find enough spares I could burn through, until I might be able to find original Honda goodies somewhere along the way (probably Capetown :).

The next day 19. November 2019 Max and I got our Sierra Leone Visas and headed straight over to the Liberian embassy for the same drill. In the afternoon I went to Madina for the first of what would be a series of business trips. The bustling market district of Conakry is huge and there is nothing you can not find there (except maybe what you’re looking for). I instantly took a liking to the crafty atmosphere of people going about their (own) business. After asking around a bit, I found Mr. Solo - a businessman and mechanic of just enough words sitting behind his desk on the ground floor of a courtyard building. I explained my problem and that I was looking for original Honda parts. One of his guys told me he knew of a donor bike and that I should come back the next day. When I did, the parts he had found turned out to be for an XL 250 and looked pretty used. I instead decided to hunt around for knock off parts. At the end of the afternoon I had obtained a rotor, 6 CDIs and a rectifier.

On the 21. November 2019 Max left town and headed on to Northern Guinea. We were pretty sure we’d meet up again along the way, but I still don’t like saying goodbyes. I spent the day fixing up KK with spare parts and retrieving my Liberia Visa. I’m pretty sure the Visa wasn’t done according to the book, as I never actually entered the embassy and only ever talked to the security guard at the gate. He was waiting for me out front when I came to get my passport as well. This was handed to me from his shirt pocket. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure the same thing happened at the Sierra Leone embassy. When we exited there, a gentleman who just pulled up as we were leaving and who identified himself as the deputy consul wanted to take a picture of our passports with the Visas inside. I now assume this was to check if the issuing official had made a record of our Visas or not. “C’est la Guinée”. “Merci pour votre travail”.

After testing KK and realising that it still wasn’t running properly - I started putting in and testing different combinations of my old and new parts. Nothing seemed to work properly anymore. Not even the combination of parts I had rolled into town with. This is the point in time where I seriously started to think about the idea of a new motorbike. I had put in a lot of time and money into King Kong at this point and it all seemed to be futile. KK is old. Facts are facts.

The first call I made was to Mrs. Laila at the insurance branch of the TCS in Switzerland to inform them that I was yet again en panne (let’s see what they’ll pay for this time^^). She has been calling me daily since to see how I’m getting along (just saying :).

My next call was to the customs branch of the TCS. To my surprise Mrs. Evelyne (by now my friend and expert African consultant) informed me, that I could actually get a Carnet de Passage from the Swiss TCS for a motorcycle registered in Guinea. This is due to the fact that Guinea itself does not have a Carnet issuing touring club. As you may recall, the Carnet is the document that I would need to enter South Africa and most East African countries. I hadn’t thought this to be possible (probably should have read the terms more carefully - regard the value of my legal education mom). This new development really opened up the possibility of getting a new bike here in Guinea. I wouldn’t have been willing to put down a cash deposit here in Guinea for a Carnet (obviously), but if I could do it in Switzerland everything should be fine.

The good Päsche from the mission base started looking into options for shipping King Kong back to Switzerland for me in order to get my Carnet deposit back. As it was the weekend and nothing would change in this regard until Monday, I decided to give the last African mechanic a shot at fixing KK. My hopes weren’t high and the mechanic although he actually understood electronics better than I thought he would didn’t provide a viable solution.

On Monday, 25. November 2019 I had a nice little break from motorcycle problems and instead invested the day into extending my Guinean Visa which would expire on the 27. November 2019 (Dad’s birthday - the reason I remembered ;). I got to the ministère de sécurité early in the morning. On the way in a policeman tried to sell me a black market 1 year Visa extension for USD 70. Now sensitive to the subject I asked where I could find the 3 month extension and was directed to the legit office. The officer required some documents and then USD 80 to be paid in cash at the downtown Ecobank branch. Luckily I had most documents with me and Conny and Frederic from the Mission base kindly provided me with the rest via email. I then set out for the bank by taxi.

At around noon I lined up at the end of one of two long queues at the front of which stood an un(wo)maned desk where cash deposits were to be made. I started chatting and making friends with the by-standers. People were all over the place and more kept showing up and cutting the line. I learned another Guinean lesson: How to balance being friendly enough to have someone help if need be and pass a pleasant waiting time and being sturdy enough so as to not get cut in front of. The trick is to smile (“on est ensemble”) and not to be afraid of invading anyones personal space.

After an hour of this, two ladies showed up and things actually started to move. 40 minutes later the lady serving my line decided to take (another?) lunch break and said she’d be back in an hour and a half. The other line kept moving. Crap. At this point I started second guessing my decision not to get a black market Visa. The line in front of me dispersed and people went to sit down or join the other moving line. A strategic decision had to be made. I decided to stay in my line for two reasons. First I was now at the front of the line (safe a Moldovian gentleman who went to sit down and who I had made friends with - his own catch phrase is golden, though not vernacular: “Ici ce n’est pas Paris!”) and second, I thought chances were the lady tending the other desk might also want a lunch break at some point.

After a while, a new line started to form behind (around) me and I kept practicing my balancing act of smiling and standing sturdy. The lady was punctual and showed up again at around 3 pm. I immediately made eye contact, all smiles and started chatting her up. The Moldovian gentleman was nice enough to let me go first, as he had a lot of payments to make. I couldn’t believe my luck when I actually walked out of there with my receipt (“Merci pour votre travail!”). The Moldovian told me to go light a candle at church. I really actually was filled with gratitude and couldn’t believe my luck walking out of there at 3:30 pm, receipt in hand and enough time to get back to the ministry before closing. I really had thought I would be coming back the next day.

Outside the bank I hailed a cab to get back to the ministry. While leaning in the car window to negotiate the price, I noticed something moving in my pocket. I spun around and shouted, gripping my phone in my pocket. A guy walking away and said he “hadn’t taken anything” xD. “On est ensemble.”

Back at the ministry the officials took my prints and photo and said I could come back the next day for the Visa extension. “Merci pour vote travail.” They actually complemented me on how fast I had been in obtaining the payment receipt. I’m not exactly sure what to think of this - it had taken me 4 hours - I’m flattered I guess.

Out front on the street I was waiting for a cab to come along, when a police mini bus stopped next to me and a bunch of officers told me to get in. I stayed where I was, smiling and saying hello. They asked to see my passport which was at the ministry for processing. The situation was comical. On one hand I was a bit in disbelief about the fact that as a foreigner apparently you’re not even safe from the police just standing on a street corner. On the other hand I was right in front of the ministère de sécurité. How did these guys think they could get away with scamming foreigners who were doing lawful passport dealings in full sight of the officers who had their passports. One of the guards of the ministry waived the police mini bus off and smiled at me. “C’est la Guinée. Merci pour votre travail.”

The next day 26. November 2019 there were (thankfully nonviolent) protests in Conakry and nobody travelled across town if they didn’t have too. The protests happen quite often and are directed at the sitting president Alpha Conde who is making signs to amend the constitution in order to prolong his presidency. I called the Visa official to ask if it would be ok if I came by the a day later to collect. I was a bit worried they’d try to pull something on me, as my old Visa would have expired that very day, the 27. November 2019. The officer however said it would be fine.

I got to spend the day with the missionaries and visited an eye clinic that SAM, the organisation started here and a hospital that they support. Even though I’m not here by choice entirely, I’m actually grateful I get to spend some time in Conakry and see the good work that the missionaries are doing. My motorbike problems are really a grotesque contrast to the poverty and sickness everywhere in Guinea. I am truly humbled at this. SAM is a small faith based NGO (https://www.sam-global.org/) and is partly financed by private donations and partly by the Swiss Agency for Development and Cooperation (SDC). I am truly impressed by the people working here providing development aid in a country where basically nothing works. That night at dinner I (btw dinner is always a treat here, as I get to hang out with Paesche and Conny who have become good friends, eat Conny’s home cooked food and meet all the interesting people who come through the mission base) met Jürg, the leader of SAM global and Mathias, the head physician of neonatology of the university hospital Lausanne. Two very interesting individuals doing very practical development work here. It really got me thinking.

The next day 27. November 2019 I got to ride into town with Mathias and his driver. Mathias told me about the work his charity is doing here. Apparently it is common place for mothers to hop on a motorcycle with their newborns to get across town to the neonatology department. Mathias gave me a tour of the hospital his charity “souffle2vie" (www.souffle2vie.ch) is helping to build and renovate. What a guy. He actually is saving dying babies. His charity provides consulting for the local government on how to build and run the hospital. They don’t finance the project, because there is money enough in the system. It seems to be a question of freeing the funds.

Mathias’ driver dropped me off at the ministère de sécurité where I picked up my passport hassle free. I then continued on to Madina to meet up with Mohamed Barry, a guy Sandro, one of the missionaries here, knew to take me motorbike hunting. Again I felt the grotesque contrast, going from sick babies to shopping for a new motorbike. Mohamed Barry led me right to Mr. Solo.

Apparently Mr. Solo really is the guy to see about motorbikes in Conakry. After checking around Madina and seeing different bikes, I decided that Mr. Solo had the one I wanted. A Honda XL 125 (sound familiar?) from 2015. This bike was one of a batch gifted from the Japanese government to Guinea in order to combat the Ebola outbreak in 2014. As an example of development aid gone wrong, it was sold off by whichever doctor or hospital and the cash pocketed. Here again a ridiculous example of how inequality persists due to corruption. Initially I was conflicted at the thought of buying such a bike. However I have decided that it is a used bike and has already changed hands at least once before me. I am not buying it off the doctor it was intended for. The corruption has already taken place and it will make no difference regarding the original objective if I buy it or not (feel free to disagree with me via PM ;).

On 28. November 2019 I called Mrs. Evelyne at the customs branch of the TCS to discuss the possible options regarding King Kong. There were three different ways to get my cash deposit back. One was to ship KK to Switzerland. Two was to scrap KK and get an official scrapping confirmation. Three was to sell it and get the customs importation confirmation. I was leaning towards the latter. Before heading out to Madina, I said goodbye to Conny and Päsche who were leaving on holiday to Dakar and are nice enough to let me stay here at the base despite their absence. Once downtown I negotiated a deal with Mr. Solo. I would buy his bike for GNF 18 Mio. (I got him down from GNF 22 Mio.) and he would buy mine for GNF 5 mio. (I had paid roughly the equivalent of GNF 7.5 in Switzerland) all under the condition that we could get the paperwork sorted (regarding the importation of KK and putting the new bike in my name). I couldn’t believe I had actually found a solution to my problem. Albeit the contract still needed to be executed. The next day I brought a cash advance of GNF 9 Mio. to Mr. Solo. In Guinea this is a bundle of cash as the most valuable bill is worth GNF 20’000.00 (roughly EUR 2). Mr. Solo was visibly pleased that the cash was provided and I think I went up in his rating of business partners. As it was Friday and the Muezzin was calling, nothing much could further be done and I headed home.

With Conny and Päsche gone, I would have been alone for the weekend. However a lovely young missionary family Thirza and Stefan Ringenbach with their kids Levi and Noa took me in. I “baby”sitted Friday night and we played Mario Cart on the Nintendo Switch (the game is remarkably similar to the Nintendo 64 version we used to play as kids but with much, much, much better graphics xD) and ping pong in the living room. On Saturday Thirza took me hiking with her friends. It was absolutely splendid to get out of the city. It had been a while. We even went swimming in a clean (!) river. On Sunday we all brunched, played Brändi dog, went to the swimming pool and church in the evening. It was one of my top weekends (thank you Ringenbachs!).

Monday, 2. December 2019 was the vital day of contract execution for me. We actually managed to get all the paperwork sorted after multiple rides around town on Mr. Solo’s scooter. I couldn’t believe it when I finally held the new carte gris in my hands and a copy of the importation document to Guinea for King Kong. Tuesday, 3. December 2019 Mrs. Evelyne from the TCS gave me the thumbs up, that the importation document for KK would be enough for them to release my deposit in Switzerland. Today, 4. December 2019 I got to Madina early and Mr. Solo’s mechanics fitted the GPS holder, the USB port from Dakar and my hand protectors to the new bike. After the noon prayer Mr. Solo and I had lunch together to close our dealings. I feel I should be allowed to put “African businessman” on my CV now XD.

After 8 trips to Madina and three weeks after entering town - meet my travel companion - new (36 years younger than King Kong) and improved but otherwise the same - Diddy Kong (did you see it coming? xD). I’m spending today Thursday, 5. December 2019 getting ready and saying goodbye to all the people at the mission base. I will head out tomorrow for Sierra Leone. Everyone has been very nice and I will miss this place. Special thanks to Conny and Päsche and the Ringenbachs for taking me in.

Guinea is by far the least developed country so far and I feel for all the people who have to make their life in this system. A quick online search shows that it’s not even among the very poorest African countries. The wealth however is distributed very unevenly. The land is lawless in the true sense of the word (e.g. there is no traffic code) and what one official says in a given situation may actually be the closest you’d get to an applicable law. Having experienced how hard it is just to extend a Visa or buy a motorcycle - I can’t imagine relying on this system on a daily basis for important things like health care, education or employment. There is a lot of work to be done.

Much love and peace all around, happy advent and here’s to the road ahead

Chris