It's that time of year - the shops full to bursting with stuff - when the Magician of the Skies, the Lone Pilot with the Biggest Flight Plan, has to be tracked down to make sure his map has the grandchildren's chimney clearly marked for the Big Night.
But where to find him? Where to start?

Somewhere ancient and undisturbed. Where his route will have remained unchanged for millennia.
The Ashdown Forest.
It's the oldest open space around here. And there are extensive views from the top, I'm bound to spot something up there.

No, not a single red nose.

Here's another spot to try, right on the old London to Lewes Roman Road. He should be zooming up and down here at this time of year.

If he's out there anywhere, has must have equipped himself with a stealth sleigh.

The chief oracle around here is Winnie the Pooh - he's in Hartfield - he'll know for sure. Especially as the North Pole is close by....
No, at Pooh Corner they tell me he's been searching for Mr. Crimble too, all week.

I know! With his schedule of deliveries he'll definitely have a Blackberry.
We'll try here:

No, another wild goose chase.

I need some help here, an expert co-pilot, someone who knows about the man in the big red coat.

Well, you saw him here first, back in April '09, trying to stow aboard for a free trip to Cape Town:

Now he looks like he's ready to be our navigator.

So off we go with Oliver, looking for transport with two seats, to find this elusive Father Christmas.

Something like this:

"There should be enough seats in this. I wonder if the engine can keep up with Santa's sleigh - I'll go and have a look just as soon as I've finished this icecream!"

"This thing is stuffed with so much coal, steam and mince pies, Santa must be around here somewhere keeping warm."

"No wonder that little motorbike couldn't find him".

"Steaming along now, will soon catch up with his reindeer."

"This strange dog just gave me a telescope. That'll help."

"Or is it a tube of smarties? Maybe Santa is inside."

"Right, this must be Santa's station. - Mind The Reindeer!"

"HERE he is!"

"I'll have an XT600 please, all fitted up for going around the world. I'll borrow your maps as well."

("I hope grandad's got my address in his pocket, otherwise we've wasted our time!")