14/12/08 Rio Gallegos, Argentina

800 miles into the gale-blasted flatlands of Patagonia, there's a sign at the side of the highway depicting a tree bent over by the wind. So that's it! I wondered why I was leaning over at 45 degrees while riding in a straight line! So it's breezy then? Thanks very much, The Government!

I seem to have ridden 1000 miles this week, and it's time for an oil change, 3000 miles from Motoserv in King's Cross (the finest motorcycle shop on Earth). The Africa Twin handbook suggests not bothering until 8000, by which time I suspect the oil would have become black, gritty water with metal shards in it, so I think I might do it now. Or, you know, tomorrow. I'm in the pub now.

New Business Ideas 2: Male grooming for pets. After the rip-roaring success of Rabbit Mascara etc, how about A Razor For Rover? Shave your pooch a stunning moustache or enviable goatee! Tramline your tomcat! Sideburn your horse! Coming soon - Right Guard Parrot.

Next stop- Tierra Del Fuego, land (in 1981) of the mythical 2p-a-litre beer. Every Argentinian I've met has been friendly, with the single exception of a disgruntled old bastard in a cig kiosk in BA, perhaps because I attempted to pay the requisite 4.40 pesos with a 100 peso note. Or perhaps he was just a bastard.

New Business etc... Pine Scented Mouse Wipes!

Hey there Andy Bell! If you're reading this, there's an excellent article about the history of Bultaco motorcycles in the December 08 issue of Argentina's (rather scooter-heavy) Exclusivo Motos magazine. Well, the pictures are good anyway. The text is impenetrable, what with it being all in foreign and that.

It's 10.01pm and it's broad, read-the-newspaper daylight outside. Exactly how is one supposed to know when it's time to go home?