8.7.09 Cali, Colombia
We've ascertained, haven't we, what the Worst Song In The World is already. But what's the Other Worst Song In The etc? Spot on! And well done. It's What's Going On by 4 Non Blondes.
4.7.09 Pasto, Colombia
The word "hooray" scarcely seems adequate
6.7.09 Popayan, Colombia
Mincing Moses! It looks like the rumours about Colombia may be true! I'm only in the south, but the vibrating greenness of the mountains, the mood-bumping warmth of the people, the eye-popping, shirt-testing Oh-My-God-ness of the honeys, and the (so far) utter lack of getting shot, robbed or kidnapped are all starting to pull Colombia up my (facile and ill-considered) Best Country In South America list.
2.10.09 San Jose, Costa Rica
People who have, at one time, been truly excellent pop stars, but have later revealed themselves to be horrible little bastards:
1. Gary "I love Thatcher" Numan.
2. Gary "I love pre-teens" Glitter.
Hold tight! I think I spot a theme.
11.10.09 Rivas, Nicaragua
Is that Shakira video (the one where she's wearing a mono-leg "jump"-suit, when she's not wearing a leotard that's precisely the same colour as her skin) making anyone else feel a bit "off" in the morality department? My guess, after close scrutiny, is that she's feeling a bit broody. In that event, I would count myself more than happy to "brood" her.
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10.10.09 Liberia, Costa Rica
A cow, ironically
Last major stop on the north-west highway to Nicaragua, and it's a smiley little town with a freakishly ugly church and a helluva way with a pork chop. I arrive five minutes before the lunchtime rains kick off, having left Samara on the coast reasonably early after the first bacon 'n' egg breakfast in months. Possibly 12 months.
26.10.09 Somotillo, Nicaragua/Honduras border.
Effective Smoking: Tips For Central America
#1 in a series of, I would think, two at most.
18.11.09 Antigua, Guatemala
As my left forearm metamorphoses from golden-haired willow sprig into fat, scarlet, insanely itchy rugby ball, I'm forced to hold back a spring tide of superstition. Superstition, as you know, is belief without evidence. Often reinforced by coincidence, it can sometimes take a Brain Of Steel to hold superstition at bay.
4.11.09 Antigua, Guatemala.
Hopped-up on hell-terror and foamy-mouthed with the fatalistic death-worship of Catholicism they may be, but those Guatemalan buses sure are colourful!
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23.11.09 Palenque, Mexico.
If you spent the late 1980's in Britain drinking newly-imported, skinny-necked 355ml bottles of Corona at 2 quid a pop, you were, quite transparently, a twat. A worthless, pink-shirted bozo, suckling at Lord Fashion's distended purple teat with all the grace and imagination of a speed bump.
28.11.09 Cancun, Mexico
Trade: di-methyl-hydroxy-loperamide. Street: Imodium. These pills are valued at two quid, and amazingly - against all intestinal logic - they work even if you've "got one in the chamber", acting like a rectal Super Slurper and turning a difficult, "can we go yet / dare I even check out of my room?" morning into a breeze. Hoozah for Big Pharma!
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18.12.09 Campeche
25.11.09 Escarcega, Mexico
I have to be in Cancun on Sunday to meet Naz, last seen in Buenos Aires. It would've been quicker to go through Belize, but sod that; it's $200 to get a bike in and the cop situation is supposed to be worse than Honduras. The "attraction" of Belize is the diving. There's only one sort of diving I'm interested in, and it doesn't involve an oxygen tank. Usually.
18.1.10 Mexico City
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Excellent things about Mexico City:
1. 7-Eleven "Big Lunch" sandwiches. While "Small Lunch" would, in all fairness, sum up the defining attributes of these superbly fresh brown-bread starvation-attenuators more accurately, they are easily the least disappointing pre-packed sandwiches in Latin America. Six-and-a-half out of 10!
